bonafidebrother

[Ah, that... stings. Out of everyone, Izana is the last person Ace wants to hurt - physically and emotionally. Izana is his first friend and the person he's closest to in the whole world. Literally.

Machina is his "friend" too. An ally he's fought beside for so long and already dislikes him. The reason Machina is a l'Cie is technically kind of his fault too...

So he feels guilty but tries to push that back so it doesn't make its way through their connection. Not really sure how well that's going to work.]

South side of the market square.

[ It's just that, for once, Izana doesn't know how to deal with this alone. It's so very rare that he doesn't, or that he thinks there is somebody to trust that to, and yet he clearly can't.

But he's an adult. He'll man up and deal. Somehow. ]

All right. I'll go get Chichiri and we'll be over there in a bit.

[ Since they can't exactly leave Machina out in the rain and Izana isn't much help with carrying much of anything right now. ]

[How is he supposed to face Izana?]

I'll be here.

[And he will be. Or at least someone is standing near Machina's crystallized form. Hard to say considering the figure is hooded to keep away the elements. Or maybe for different reasons but the rain is a good enough excuse.]

[ All right, once they're there, it's easy to spot Machina, and while Izana's heart twists, he will admit that the way it looks is very similar to how Sora looks. Which helps, just a little.

It's also easy to spot Ace. Even without Chichiri's help and did you really think you were not going to get some chocobo affection, Ace?

That is, after she goes to examine the block of rock that looks like her other human, prodding him a little with her beak and even with her leg, and letting out a long kweeeh!! because that's not right.

Then she looks to Izana, who gives her a soft pet on the neck, and goes to Ace, to drop her chin on his shoulder. She knows when Izana is distracted, anyway.

Since the older brother is distracted, standing in front of Machina straight and staring at his face with his eyes going a little glassy with tears he's holding back.

Then he puts a hand on the crystal figure's shoulder. He can't squeeze, as there is no give, but it's there, and he turns to his friend, his smile small and fragile. ]

Hey. Thank you for letting us know.

[ Yes, he's caught up to Ace's more general question while walking (riding is still not for him) here. And he means it, too. ]

[While Izana and Chichiri make their way over, Ace has time to think. To let the guilt out and if there is blue glowing ice stuck to him and the ground around him - well, that's just how it is. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

It would be better if Ace was no longer part of their lives. That's what Machina wants anyway. Why he didn't say anything after he'd shown up. He's at least partially responsible for what's happened to both of them. Izana's (and Chichiri's) death and Machina's transformation into a l'Cie. Maybe it's not all his fault - but surely he's the catalyst.

If he hadn't asked Izana that day, he'd be alive and Machina wouldn't have been so angry at them that he wandered away from the group. That's the day he thinks the other teen ended up that way. After that, Machina had been absent quite a few times. Probably doing whatever his Focus wanted him to.

Chichiri is there, head on his shoulder but the only move he makes is to ensure that most of his face is hidden by his hood. Being thanked only makes it worse. The rain around him slowly starting to freeze.]

It's my fault. You and... Machina.

[A quiet admittance. Maybe they're even the reason Rem is a l'Cie too.]

[ Well, that's not... helping. Izana's smile wavers, and he moves closer, to stand before Ace, now. Watching him.

Then he takes a deep breath, and his voice is serious, soft. ]

I almost got killed before I went to pick up the COMM device, too, you know. Everyone around me got killed, I survived by mere chance. If I hadn't taken you up on your offer, I might have died anyway, and I'd have accomplished even less that day. Just one more nobody.

It was not your fault that it happened, Ace. It was the Militesi soldiers. And it could have happened without you being involved at all. You were there to save the peristylium, and you did that.

And whatever reason there was for Machina's thinking about it all to get twisted as it did, I know it wasn't you who did that, either. I have my guesses, but it's not you.

It's... all a mess. But you're a good person, who's tried to do the right thing, the helpful thing, every time. Even the kind thing, even if so much of what you know has been fighting.

It's not your fault.

[ Catalyst, perhaps. But not a willing one. ]

You would never have chosen any of it to happen.

[As Izana draws closer, Ace's head drops - keeping his face shadowed.]

I know all of that. It isn't only my fault. Everyone made their own choices. You, me, the Militesi armies. A lot of people died that day because it was impossible to save them all - that maybe you would have died anyway. But it doesn't change the fact that I asked in the first place, that I got Mother to have you placed on the mission with us.

That's how he feels. And maybe you don't blame me for your death but... [Can Izana really be so forgiving when it involves Machina's well-being?]

He does. That's why... we had a fight and he went off - that's when I think it happened. [When Machina became a l'Cie.] He started missing missions, we didn't know why back then. It wasn't until our last mission until we found out why. He was safe when we went to go fight the Imperial Marshal in order to put an end to the killing, mostly because we'd left him and Rem behind.

["Behind" as in Machina wasn't there.] In the end, both of them helped us kill the Marshal.

[ Izana's head bows down in turn, as Ace keeps talking. The rain falls harder, freezing. ~~Between them, they'd totally have the Polgos Queen covered.~~

He's not forgiving. Not when it comes to Machina. But even with what Ace says, he still doesn't think it's the fault of Ace. Of the Class. His records for this mission should not have been locked in the first place.

But he'll poke at that later. There is one thing that sticks out to him. Well. Several. But one that he thinks he needs to hear, or he might never get a chance to. ]

How do you leave a l'Cie behind, Ace?

[ He does not look at the too-still form of his brother. He can't. ]

[There is so much he's not saying. It isn't the time or place to bring up everything. And maybe he won't ever about certain things. Right now this is about Machina and his once-dead brother. Not even about his own feelings on the whole matter.

He lifts his head now but up towards the sky so that the rain pelts his face.]

Machina was gone. On some mission or maybe just avoiding us, I don't know. What I do know is that we couldn't afford to wait. The whole world was under attack. Monsters had come to kill everyone, the Marshal was at the head of it - no longer human. Not even l'Cie. Something worse. Nearly all of Rubrum's leaders were already dead and we were the only ones capable of stopping it. So we went without him.

[ He doesn't know, it occurs to Izana then. Probably? That Machina is a White Tiger l'Cie. That if the Marshal Alstyne was who they were going up against, the White Tiger l'Cie would have been there by his side. Fighting them, too.

And Machina so did not want to fight Ace.

(Or maybe he knows and doesn't want to tell Izana. Or maybe what Izana was afraid of still did happen, and Ace doesn't want to tell him. All of these are possible.)

But Izana's chest hurts far, far too much to be able to push Ace further.

His hands twitch, but then he does reach out, to squeeze Ace's shoulder, lightly. ]

Ace... Machina made a big choice. Probably... a very dumb choice, because he was alone and afraid that he wasn't strong enough and it offered him a solution, or he thought it did. But he made it, and he wasn't there when you needed him. He let you down. I get that. But...

I can't care about him any less because of that. I hope you'll be able to understand.

[ ~~That's not the point, here, Izana!~~ ]

[He suspects. How else would Cid have gotten there when no human could? That maybe if Machina hadn't already been in crystal stasis that they would have had to get through him before they could reach the Marshal.

Maybe Ace hadn't realized it at first - too busy trying to stop the world from ending - but he's had time to think about it now. There's no other reason. He's grateful that Machina was already in crystal stasis. It saved everyone.

(How could he say what he only suspects? When he hadn't even wanted to tell in the first place?)

There is one thing Ace wants to clear up right now, though.]

He shouldn't have been alone. We were a team. But he was so angry at us that we gave him space.

And maybe he wasn't there on some missions but he was there in the end. Without him, we might not have beaten the Marshal. ["We would have permanently died" - words he doesn't say.] I didn't tell you any of that to make you think less of him.

[But of Ace.]

[ The odd thing is that Izana would have been... grieved, yes, but also relieved, to know for certain that Machina had crystallized in Orience. Not because he wanted his brother to stop living, not at all. But because he wanted his brother to stop hurting, and he is hurting, for having a Focus that puts him up against those he least wants to hurt.

But Ace's words confuse him all over again. ]

You just said that... you left him behind? That he and Rem were safe.

[ But he was there at the end.

Izana takes a deep breath-- then promptly hisses, because that's still not a very great idea. Shakes his head, he's fine. ]

He wasn't alone because you chased him away, I don't think. He's stubborn, and he wouldn't have gone if you'd been trying to do that. I know that. But I think...

[ The rain is easing up again, at least? Not stopping, but it's not trying to drown them. Izana's hand finds its way to Chichiri's side, petting the wet plumage absently. ]

He said that my record for that day was sealed. The orders for me to go find you. That's not normal. Nor is it normal for the locked information to be told to family by somebody high up.

I meant to ask him more about how that happened, back when he first told me, but then there were the eggs, and I didn't think it would be too urgently important. But I think he was set up against you. Using me. Using you.

That's why I don't think it's your fault. Because I know my brother.

[ Or he did. Now his brother is beyond him and he can't begin to grasp him, in some way. ]

[Knowing that in the future Machina no longer has that Focus, that he's completed it but it doesn't help the one who's here now. Maybe, when they aren't both hurting so much, they can talk about it more fully.]

I suppose it'd more accurate to say we thought we left him behind. Maybe he was already there or maybe he showed up after we got there and just got ahead of us.

[As a l'Cie, Machina has a lot more power than they do and even Chichiri said that the brothers had flown away from the sandwyrm. All he knows is that the other teen had been there in crystal stasis near the end and helped them with the Marshal.

Ace's eyes are instantly on Izana at the hiss, heard even over the rain. Then casually casts a healing spell on the man.]

We didn't really get the opportunity to talk. It was in the middle of a mission and we had half the world on our tail.

[Both Milites and Concordia. As for that - Izana's ideas of the whole situation - Ace isn't surprised to hear that.]

I wouldn't doubt it. Someone set us up to take the fall for assassinating the Queen of Concordia and afterwards they kept sending us on even more dangerous missions. Even our commanding officer died in the process.

[And yet the higher-ups were the ones who died first. Whoever they are.]

Though the blame is not entirely on them either.

[ Maybe. Izana would like that. He's just. Confused, right now. He bites his lip, trying to make sense of what Ace is telling him.

... and to suppress the sudden anger. That. Being set up. Being set up to fail. To die.

That's not right. It was bad enough that the younger had to do the fighting. This, though? It's wrong.

... and he gets distracted by the heal. Even if it there isn't much for it to do, beyond maybe shave off a touch from the overall length of time his ribs will take to deal, it still feels good. ]

Thanks. [ Softly. ] I'm all right, so long as I don't get careless.

[ He rubs a hand over his wet face, then squares his shoulders, carefully. ]

I don't know why you're trying to seek blame, Ace. I'd say that maybe we made some slips of judgment. But what was done to Class Zero. To Machina in particular somehow. That was deliberate. And that's where the most of the blame should go.

Everyone makes mistakes. That's how life works. But they were working to betray their own. I don't know why exactly, since I doubt it was simple jealousy of your successes. That's the difference, all right?

Machina believes as he does... and maybe it will be difficult to change that, because it made him choose something that he has to believe in somehow, since he can't undo the choice. But you don't have to fault yourself for consequences of your actions that you did not choose.

Please?

[Maybe he's doing it so Izana will blame him instead of Machina for the whole mess. After all, the other teen isn't here to defend himself. Or maybe it's because Ace already sort of blames himself anyway so what's what more person?

Until Izana and his brother came along, he hadn't really had the chance to ever feel guilty or blame himself for something. That wasn't how their strange family unit worked back then. Idly he wonders if this is how it always feels to have played a part in something horrible or if it's just because it's the first time.]

Most but not all of it. It's not like blaming the others anyway - most of them are dead. [Which leaves Ace to focus it all on himself. Hard to blame people who are already gone and forgotten.]

Mistake or not, intentional or accidental doesn't make much of a difference. [Not with this.]

If I don't fault myself for my actions, how will I learn from it? If I don't blame myself for what I caused, what will stop me from making the same choice again?

[Isn't that what it means to be human? To live with his mistakes and find a better way next time?]

[ Izana opens his mouth to say that you can learn in many other ways...

Then. Frowns. This is Ace, and things are always more complicated, with him. Not in a bad way, necessarily, just more complicated. ]

Is that how it's always been, for you? Everything you learn, it has to hurt?

[ Because even Izana has had many, many ways to learn things. Pain, even of guilt, has not been the norm. ]

You can do better without having to hurt yourself. And that's what taking blame for others does. [ Izana reaches to put a hand on Chichiri's back. ]

Don't you think things hurt enough without you looking for more?

[There's a long moment before he shakes his head.]

It never hurt. If we died, Mother brought us back. If other people died, we forgot them. We did what we were told and never really questioned why. I realize now that we didn't grow up like other children did, why I didn't see them as my siblings. It was because we were told to live together so we did. We all thought of her as a Mother but were distant with each other. We were supposed to be able to keep going after one of us fell - to not be attached.

[Ace looks up at the sky.]

Maybe it had to hurt for us to understand. To grow into being people and not just tools. [Without Izana, he might not have changed. A part of him would have always been kind but Ace is not the same person he once was.

He looks back at Izana.]

Living should hurt sometimes. It shouldn't feel the same day after day.

[ It's Izana's turn to let his hood hide his face. ]

Didn't dying itself hurt, even if it didn't last? [ Voice hollow. ] I know mine did. And I only did it once.

But yeah. Living's supposed to hurt. It just sometimes hurts too much, but if that's what you need, all right.

[ He swallows down, just don't think it's easy to see. This is not about him, after all. Well, it is, but ... it's also not. ]

But I'll say it again. It wasn't your fault.

What do you think you should learn from it? [ ...beat. ] Also... will you help me load him up on Chichiri, so we can all get out of the rain?

[He shrugs.]

Not really. [Not like it had the last time.] It was usually quick. Conscious and fighting one second and dead the next. Then Mother would revive us good as new when we got to a town.

I don't want to be numb.

[Even though Ace knows he was sad after Izana's death, it was because they'd been friends. His first friend. But he hadn't felt that way when other people died - people he'd only known but didn't form a stronge bond with.]

Not sure, honestly. [That people shouldn't be forgotten after death, maybe. To really feel that sorrow when someone dies.] I borrowed a cart from one of the shopkeepers.

[Ace hadn't wanted to put Machina on top of Chichiri. Not without knowing how much the added crystal weighs.]

Oh! A cart'd be even better. Right, Chichiri?

Kweh!

And... I'm glad it didn't hurt much, for you. [ It would have been so bad, wouldn't it, if it hurt that much every time? ] But I think we can work on not being numb, then. Find things that make it not so.

Though I can guarantee, hurting and being upset is not the only way to not be numb. So don't limit yourself.

[ Izana has definitely bounced up from the first crash with the news, with seeing Machina. Because...

Well. Because maybe there's somebody who needs him, and putting a smile on his face and keeping on going is the right thing to do, at such times. ]

You're not allowed to lift him. [Very pointedly to Izana.] We can get other people to help with that.

[Machina will really kill him if he causes Izana to hurt himself further.]

We always knew we were different from other cadets. Even before becoming Class Zero. [It would have been terrible - though Ace doesn't think it would have stopped them from doing it.] Okay.

[He nods. Life isn't just about being hurt or upset, it's about being happy too.

Laughing and being with people he cares about. Even if Machina would prefer that he didn't.

Yeah. I know I'm not. I want to help, though - I guess helping balance him or something. [ Yeah, okay, maybe this was a little dumb. Izana rubs a hand over his face, then tries to smile again. ]

Let's get him back to the house, then. And then you get dibs on the first hot shower.

[ ... he can try. ]

Good. [He doesn't want to die yet.] You can hook up Chichiri to the cart. I've only saddled chocobos for single person riders.

[Ace will watch how Izana does it so he can do it in the future.]

Okay. [Time to do this.]

Yeah, I can definitely do that.

[ It takes Izana a few moments of examining the cart's gear, before he maneuvers Chichiri just so, and his fingers start working on what's available, tugging on and tightening straps and buckles, to make sure that it won't get loose. Chichiri's tack is not meant exactly for this, but he can make it work. ]

There, I think that should be good.

[ Chichiri herself is not happy with this, but she knows that it's a one-time thing. ]

[Ace watches as Izana hooks Chichiri up to the cart, petting her neck as it's all happening.]

Sorry Chichiri. It'll be over soon.

[Next time he'll ask to borrow someone's wyvern instead. If he didn't think the crystallized forms were heavy, they'd do this differently.]

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